First month...can't discuss it or no one would have children...good news is you don't really remember what you did that month even though you were awake 23 hours a day!
Second month...routines begin to establish...nursing mothers are excited that kids sleep for 2 hours at a time! Formula-fed babies seem to hit this stage of, "Hey! I can sleep all night!" I'll never get it...
Third month...baby can move...routines interrupted...no schedule
Fourth month...baby can roll over...will sleep beautifully until he or she remembers how much fun it is to roll over...solid food supposedly helps baby sleep longer but rolling over trumps that!
Fifth month...rolling over helps baby get self back to sleep and Moms start remembering where they put clothes other than sweat pants
Sixth month...baby should be able to sleep 8-10 hours with no problem...word of warning--your kid won't ever like doing what he/she "should" do...luckily naps are more predictable during the day
Seventh month...baby figures out sitting up in the crib means he or she can scream louder for you in the middle of the night, especially if teeth are coming (don't worry, teeth take their sweet little time)
Eighth month...can't remember, I'm usually pregnant again by this point
Ninth month...guess who wants to practice crawling in the crib at midnight?!?!
Tenth month...the best month of sleep you might ever have! Two naps a day, 8 hours at night, I love 10 months old!!!
Eleventh month...screw it, they can pull up and try walking at midnight, circling the crib regularly, oh and some kids think this is a great time to try crawling out of the crib!
Twelfth month... Big month...babies say things like, "Hey! I don't have to nap in the mornings any more!" And then sleep more at night. Then they miss their morning nap, so they fall asleep at 11:30, don't take an afternoon nap, fall asleep during dinner until you pick them up and then stay up until 10 pm.
Thirteenth month...wean the kid completely and you've got no Hail Mary at 2 AM when the baby just.won't.sleep!!! But after three nights or so, they get it. They start realizing that you mean it that you won't them to sleep ALL NIGHT in THEIR OWN BED. For me, this is when they start to get it. Okay, Mama, I'll take one good nap during the day and I'll try my best to sleep through the night, all night, in my bed.
Second year...kid figures it out, parents wake up to see if kid is still breathing because there's something wrong with a silent night, oh, and if there are other kids in the house, they wake up the not-so-much-a-baby
Fourth/Fifth year...naps disappear, coffee becomes more important in the afternoons
Teenagers...can't prepare myself for this other than to know that it will be really weird to be the one waking THEM up!!! Payback's Hell...
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